Each year Halloween is usually seen as a night for laughter, sweets, dressing up and introducing a little bit of fright; while many are picking their costumes with excitement, it can be a different story for survivors of domestic abuse where the night can bring up fears that go much deeper than costumes and haunted houses, and there are reasons for this. The idea of a night dedicated to fear can be jarring for survivors, with memories and trauma surfacing in unexpected ways. Understanding why Halloween can be difficult for survivors, and how friends, family, and survivors themselves can navigate this evening, is a big step toward creating a safer, more supportive community for everyone, whilst still having fun.
Why Halloween Can Be Triggering for Domestic Abuse Survivors
For survivors of domestic abuse, Halloween can stir up many unsettling emotions. The night is filled with themes of fear, darkness, and the unknown, which can bring back traumatic memories for those who associate these feelings with personal experiences of abuse.
A knock on the door, for instance, might seem trivial or even fun for most, but it can be deeply unsettling for a survivor. Not knowing who is behind that door—whether it’s a harmless trick-or-treater or someone else entirely—can feel like a real threat. Many survivors of domestic abuse remain on high alert long after their experiences, and unexpected knocks or unexpected visitors may feel intrusive, reigniting the feelings of uncertainty and fear they once lived with daily, especially if stalking was a factor, or there was a fear of their abuser finding their new home.
Additionally, the abundance of decorations like fake blood, weapons, and gore can be distressing. For survivors, seeing imagery that resembles real violence can be very triggering, as it might serve as a painful reminder of past trauma and experiences. Many people may think it’s funny to perform pranks, jump scares, or dress as gory characters, but these actions can be distressing for survivors. What feels like a “harmless scare” to one person could, for a survivor, reopen wounds they work hard to heal from. In addition, seeing fear experienced by others whether real or fictional also can cause distress.
The statistics support just how heightened domestic abuse is around holidays and major events. In the UK, organizations like Refuge have reported significant increases in calls to their helplines during these times. Halloween, with its focus on fright, can be especially challenging for survivors who are trying to move past trauma while still being sensitive to these kinds of triggers.
It is important to remember that whilst Halloween may be triggering for some, it is not about necessarily changing your routine or plans, but being aware of what friends and family who have experienced abuse may be feeling, and why they may be reluctant to engage in the evening or events.
Tips for Survivors to Make Halloween Easier
If Halloween is a challenging night, here are a few tips survivors might find helpful:
Set Boundaries with Plans: If you don’t feel comfortable going out, that’s absolutely okay. There’s no obligation to celebrate Halloween, and sometimes skipping out on certain events or parties can bring peace of mind. Let friends and family know you’d prefer a quieter night if that’s what helps you feel safe. On the other hand, it may be that going out is better for you, if it means being away from home and knocks on the door are more distressing.
Create a Safe Space at Home: For those staying home, turn your environment into a haven of comfort. Dim the lights, put on a favorite movie or music, and keep distractions handy, like a good book or a creative project. Set limits on how many knocks or visitors you allow, or even consider leaving a sign outside that says “No Trick-or-Treaters” to keep your night peaceful.
Prepare Coping Strategies: Simple practices like deep breathing exercises or listening to soothing music can be comforting if you’re feeling anxious. If loud knocks or doorbells are unsettling, consider using noise-canceling headphones or placing a “Do Not Disturb” sign on your door to reduce unexpected noises. Watch a movie or a series with headphones potentially.
Reach Out for Support: Having someone to talk to, even just a phone call, can make a difference. Whether it’s a friend, counsellor, or a support group, know that you don’t have to spend the night feeling alone or isolated.
Focus on Your Well-being First: Halloween is meant to be fun, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Prioritizing your well-being over social expectations is completely okay. Sometimes, skipping the holiday altogether can bring more comfort and relief.
How Friends and Family Can Help
If you have a loved one who’s a survivor of domestic abuse, there are ways to support them on Halloween—and beyond. Here’s what you can do to help create a safe and comfortable environment:
Listen and Respect Their Feelings: Survivors may have mixed emotions about Halloween, which might feel confusing for those who haven’t experienced abuse. Listening without judgment and showing understanding can make a huge difference.
Invite Without Pressure: If you’re hosting a Halloween event, invite your loved one but make it clear that there’s no pressure to attend. Knowing that they’re welcome but free to decline will give them the comfort of making the best choice for themselves.
Offer a Quiet Space at Gatherings: If they do want to attend, having a designated quiet area can provide them with an option to retreat if things get overwhelming. Sometimes, a small, peaceful area can make a gathering feel less intimidating. Maybe having the task of keeping drinks topped up and snacks refreshed could be useful to allow respite from the party or a movie that is being watched.
Be Mindful of Scares and Pranks: Halloween can involve a lot of playful pranks, but it’s important to remember that not everyone finds them fun. Being mindful of jump scares, gory decorations, or sudden loud noises can help make gatherings feel safer and less triggering for survivors.
Gently Remind Them of Support Resources: If the conversation allows, let them know that support resources are available if they ever need to talk or find additional help. Offer to assist them in finding safe spaces to talk, like WAVES, whenever they feel comfortable doing so (referral can be made via www.wavescounsellingproject.com for yourself or someone you know).
Creating a Safe, Supportive Community
It can also be useful to remind children who go door to door to respect signs where no knocking is requested, or to avoid homes where there are no decorations and/or signs of people being within the home at the time.
Halloween should be a time for fun, not fear. For domestic abuse survivors, it can feel challenging, but with understanding and support from those around them, they can navigate this night with a little more peace. If you or someone you know needs help, remember that WAVES Counselling Project is always here to listen and support.
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